R E C O N V E N E D

it seems as though
my body reconvened
without my conscious consent
took a vote, those old organ notes
and cast their will
for my heart to know
in that deep-sea diving kinda way 
that on impact of your sight in mine eyes held
i should q u a k e
a shiver up the spine of my sworn, trodden love
i thought i'd stabbed away

❤

M Y  L O V E  F O R  Y O U ,  M Y  P R O X Y

my love for you
is not truly for you
of this i am at least
old enough to decipher
because my love for you
stands even in your absence
even in the absence of facts
that should make it clear
i should not hold on to this
love for you, and yet
...
i was doing so well
not thinking about you
at all; and when i did
it was with a great cordial distance
do you wanna know all it took
to get me back on the hook?
someone asking about the status of my feelings
for you--and me saying i am over it 
and doing so well!
72 hours of marinating in that "well"
and well, here i am--back on the poet's back
riding my way through the sunset
of yesterday's feelings of love for you
which, themselves, were mostly unfounded
...
this is how i know
my love for you is in fact a longing for love at all
and you, my proxy,
have been cast as a stand in
to hold these desires in human form
until a real thing comes along
and it's not a great position for you to be in
i don't envy you that
i am liable to act irrational to you for an unknowable amount of time
while i wait to find someone to play the part--who was born for the role
...
i wish it were you
not because it'd be practical or easy--with you it wouldn't be
but at least then i could stop wondering if it would ever happen
at all

you didn't know
i loved you
and you didn't know
i lost you
you never loved me
or if you did
it was in the muted way
of longing
that i specialize in
what a tragedy that would
be
you didn't know 
when i fell head over
heels, obsessed with you
you didn't reel when i
let you go
how kind of me to know
how tragic loving is
how i saved you so
you grew ten times tall
spared of my love
you did not know

Do you know
That shade of blue
At early dawn
Or early dusk
When it’s dark but also light enough
To see everything still
When the yellow-orange light
Of interiors
Contrasting against the blue
Makes for a magical
Combination of hues
That makes you feel
At least in
Photographic form
If not in real life
That everything
In real life
Could really
Be okay
Again