How it must feel to swim in a bed of love
a lover's arms around you
a raft to hold onto 
and around your arms
a small one, warm and pink
soft

and at first it must taste so wonderful and comforting
you could cry, your face could just burst
at the thought of the love surrounding you
but as collective body heat rises and limbs fall asleep
contorted still in selfless resolve to continue 
support for the others on your bed-boat
a discomfort must creep in
and I would imagine, a new dream forms
one of space and time and full agency
over your limbs

I swim nightly in a sea devoid of humans
two furry bedfellows give me no more warmth 
than I can handle
and while I love this
I often dream and pursue the addition of a partner
and a child or two

I know if I ever attain these feats of daring, brave vulnerability
there will likely be many moments of longing for 
what I now have

and this is the forever dilemma of life

but still, it is good to want things
even if you never achieve them
a dream is the purpose putting speed in your step
and without stepping ever forwards toward some goal
you stand still and wilt curdled in potential untested
and growth perverted like an ingrown hair

I think
one of the most important things
to remember 
in life
is the belief that you can do anything
and the will to constantly take up arms
against that belief in heartfelt attempts
with the knowledge that sometimes 
you will fail
but
sometimes 
sometimes
you will prevail
and above all and
throughout it all
the losses and the gains
never lose your sense of fun
in the exploration of your attempts

​i belong to myself first
i am responsible to myself first
i am beholden to myself first

i may love others
but i cannot control them
i can control myself

i may want to help others
who do not wish to help themselves
and that i cannot solve
but i can shift the focus to myself
i can help myself

i may be brought to unwanted feelings by others
and want those others to correct their actions
to stop my pain--and they may not
but i, still, am responsible for processing my way
through that pain
i am responsible for my feelings

others may wish me to be different in some ways
may want me to act differently, believe differently,
live my life differently--but my responsibility in life
is first to honor my own compass, to fine-tune my
ear to my heart, and step inline with what seems
true and right and best to me

i cannot please everyone
i cannot fix anyone
i can only be myself
i can show up
i can be present and available and honest and heartfelt
and set boundaries
and i can be myself
and work to do so with honor and courage and to detach myself
from the shame, expectations, and miscellaneous opinions of others

and respect that others must be themselves, too