Andie Bottrell
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I Create At Such A Winded Speed

7/24/2015

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Picture
"Utopia" by Andie Bottrell
I create at such a winded speed
I often forget what I’ve done
In the white heat of my blinded needs
I clutch for words and images
And try to maintain feelings

I soar out over placid coats of reality
Vaguely landing on a plane of thought 
Somewhere between fear and childlike hope
And when at last I awake in a blundered stupor
Fast alive on solid ground
The token tolls and reverb-ed phrases ache
My bones

Vaguely, Vaguely
I remember
Flying
Colors vast
I remember feeling the pits and heights of
Love and despair
I remember love
I remember despair

But in the memory it is less dense
Slightly grayer
And soon it fades away
Back into oblivion

Here I am
I am here

Where was I?
Where have I been?

And how soon can I go back?

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Black and White and Old Film Grain

7/22/2015

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i want it more
now it’s gone
isn’t that just how it goes?

in black and white
and old film grain
i see moments missed in real time

why couldn’t i feel this pull
when it was accessible?
stayed in bed, ceased every moment
pushed further, been less afraid of consequence

why couldn’t i have seen what was 
right in front of me and 
not turned away to blush?

next time
i promise myself
next time it’s going to be so 
fucking sweet

when he holds my hand
i won’t let go out of fear he doesn’t mean it
and be the first to go

next time
i’ll be brave and present
and focused in, counting backwards
to: a g a i n again.

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Desire

7/21/2015

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D  e  s  i  r  e

like h u n g e r

is a self-renewing

f o r c e

it fills up

runs o v e r .

.

    .

.

      .

pours out

and e m p t i e s

. . . then,

ROARS again,

at the s e a m s

 of your stomach

until you 

f e e d

i t.

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Sensitive 

7/18/2015

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his fingers ran 

d 

o 

w

n

the side of my belly 
to my h i p
and then…

l

 o

w

e

r

e

d

to the v a l l e y

(between thigh & pussy)

as i
t w i t c h e d
&
s q u e a l e d 
in fermented delight
at the tender loving
t i c k l e

“I love that.
You’re so sensitive to touch.”

He did it 
a g a i n

In the dark
side by side
a  s i l e n c e
& relief

Nothing had changed
between u/s,
and I felt I could
b r e a t h e
again.


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    About

    Hey! I'm Andie Bottrell, a multidisciplinary creative living in Springfield, MO. I share stories (autobiographical and fictional), poems, and other creative or personal musings here. 

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