OLD BLACK MAGIC ARROW
Love finds you
In the strangest of places
At coordinates most unexpected
With matched arrows stuck into the
Least likely of targets--
When I look at you sometimes
It is with a weary eye
Questioning what magic spell
Was used to string my heart so tight
Because you've wound me in ways I never
Saw coming and bound me to you
So seamlessly that I feel like I came
Out of the blue and around the bend
Only to bump into you again and
Again and never truly meet
Until the potion was concocted
To be its most potent and 
Pure.

SIMPLY THIS
Simply this:
I feel
unconfined
by logic
&
of course
time and space
being as they are
and in cahoots
with money too...
Well, let me just say--
I exist and feel
existence is to be lived
 with some degree of
brevity and impulse, yes
but most importantly
to the tune of 
talks and walks and hugs and love
of all of those you hold
most dear
because
time will run out
and space will shrink
and money will be spent
down to its dry, cracked knobs
and in the end 
all you'll have left is
the memories of experience
and how you felt
and those you loved

To be read to the tune of Chopin Nocture Op. 2 #9 by Seth Ford-Young which I have conveniently placed above just for you.

Chopin Nocture Op. 2 #9
An accordion plays
From the hills of Paris
And the notes sing through the air
Greeting every blowing curtain
With a dancer’s grace and care
And inside, my honey and I,
Stick to the bed like flies in traps
Caught up in arms and legs and lips
and love; As the day is never short enough
The night never too long for us
To sate the hunger in our hearts
The appetite for tactile exploration
Our artistic cups ever on the verge
Of running dry or flowing over
So we kiss and kiss again
Hoping to keep the balance and
Someday create the masterpiece of each of our
Souls as the other looks on in pride

FUNGAL JUNGUS
cutting my way 
through the fungal jungus
the dismay wears holes
into my cardigan
and the cardinals
hawk their belongings
for the fields
we never get lost
when we’re diving at heels
and this way is the way
that my soul says to go
and this way is the way
that you’re flying as well
so it seems
midst the cotton stuffy things
the allergies and climate change
that everything will
be just fine
in time, in time
with you


THE TYPO
it was a typo
I thought you wrote:
In every way. I’m in. 
and I felt
the feeling of a 
genuine smile
sneaking over me

In every way. I’m in.

that means everything
every flaw
every strange family dynamic
every ugliness and sure,
all the beautiful parts as well

and
i tingled in my skin
as my fingers tapped out notes
on the piano
still busying themselves
while my eyelids twitched into a fit
of love

then
i saw it was a typo
and for a moment
i got sad

it would have been
such a wonderful thing
to have been said

but then
i thought; has he not
shown me this is how he feels
every single day?

he’s said it in every
interaction with me
every gesture, every word
even the accented impressions
and silly bits and jokes

he’s told me
he’s IN
and the phrasing of it
hardly matters
at all


READY
I am 
so ready 
to start
loving 
you
I feel like
I’ve been preparing
for this
my entire
life

I have 
so much
love
to give
so many
ideas 
for ways to
show you

i have
so many 
places to go
with you
so many 
experiences to
break in 
with you

my
greatest
creation,
my most proud
artwork,
will be
the love
i pour into
us


JUST BEFORE THE CLAIR DE LUNE
shhh, don’t wake up!
I’m just writing to say
there were moments there
just before the Clair de Lune &
Moonlight Sonata played
where I was just enjoying 
your company, getting more and more
acquainted with your face
and then our friends Debussy
and Beethoven via Henry Mancini
came to join our evening
to score the “the story of us”
and our exterior dialogue paused
as a dance began between our eyes
and you know that when the song goes like so,
you feel it like this, and you know that
when the song goes like so, I also feel it like this
it was like a thousand tiny spontaneous combustions
were accompanying the music
combustions of laughter and stoic, overwhelming fits
of fighting back tears
because when the song goes like this, you know my heart goes like that,
and when your eyes go like this, you know my heart goes like that,
and when you smile in that way with such comfort and love you know,
you must know by now, that inside warm love fills in my chest
i want to jump into the screen and swim in your eyes
never to leave or be forced to part again
this moment is a perfect one
and no matter what happens next or where the road goes
it will forever exist in memory
perfect as is

1.
THIS IS IT
​Meet 
me
under the
willow tree
there
i’ll be
standing
and waiting--
the moon
spotlighting the lake
reflecting my love
as I look for you
and you
now arriving
and walking
and my heart beating
and pounding
i lick my lips
my nervous tick
i bite the bottom one
and hold my breath
the walk down the sidewalk
to the gazebo 
seems to take an eternity
until you reach me
and then I
immediately forget
that we have ever
been apart
for even
one
second
the juices of my heart
flow with red magic
until my fingers pulse
too full to even feel you
and my eyelids swell
realizing only then
they are filled with tears
as my mouth empties
its contents of all
the words
i could not say
when your eyes 
were miles away
in 
Chicago
because I did
not trust that
it was real
even as you
so gallantly (or is it foolishly?)
and adamantly told me
that it was--
that this
was it--
the thing we humans
wait for
in life
and hope to find
and only
sometimes 
do

2.
THE ADDICT IN A LOVE TOO GOOD

You’ve been
too good
to me
and I warned you
said, “Insult me,
to even it out--
all this love is
going straight to my head.”
You wouldn’t do it though,
and so I swelled up
like a tick
full with blood
and now I barely
feel it when you
expound on your admiration
I expect it too much now
the element of surprise
now gone
and I’ve grown
entitled to feeling it
and I’ve grown
accustomed to 
your constant attention
so much so that
even once an hour
isn’t quite enough
of you
nor every second
nor is
you inside me
close enough
and I’m pretty sure
this is as close to
evil
as I’ve ever gotten
because I’m now
so gluttonous for your love
i demand it
i nag and whine
and spoil it
because 
it’s the best thing
i’ve ever tasted
and I’m
addictive 
like 
that

3.
THIS IS LOVE?

I
would have
dreamed
of this
reached for this
tried so much
harder 
to achieve this
had I ever even
conceived that
this is what
LOVE
could be
but
I had
no idea
not even an inkling
that it could be
this way
and
that is saying something
the imagination on me
is my biggest strength
and even still
not ever, not once
had it occurred to me
that I could ever be
-that anyone would ever be-
loved so fully
so intensely
so honestly
so completely
so utterly
earth shatteringly
until you came along
and snuck up
beside me
and nuzzled in to me
and broke down
every wall
I never even knew I had
until all that was
left was my heart
and a shell
bare before you
saying things like,
“So, this is love?”
Well…goddamn!

4.
NEW

you said
you were 
getting ahead of yourself
thinking so much
of the future
and trying to reign yourself in
you said,
“I don’t want to miss a single second
of falling in love with you
for the first time.”
And I thought
and I think
that is the most beautiful
sentiment I have ever heard
i feel it all the way down
from my throat to my heart 
to my chest to my pussy
which throbs in swollen
and warm delight
at the memory
because in this pinkness
and newness of 
falling in love
you also said, “this is but the beginning
-and it is good-
but it is not even the best part”
And that is important 
for me to remember
because already I am feeling
a certain sadness
for leaving
this special, amazing
moment in time
when you showed me
that love is more than
infatuation
-it is resilient and persistent
and respectful and not just
for make-believe-
no, it can be just as honest
as pain
just as true
and you 
my god, you— 
you don’t even know
the ways you’ve changed
the fibers of my being
i’m all reconfigured, re-birthed
and brand new

​1.
WHAT AM I DOING WITH YOU?

warm teriyaki chicken
steams white clouds
into the air
somewhere sometime ago some chicken suffered
this is all i think about now


the stucco of the neighbors house
sits just inside the warm light of the sun
other homes nearby cast gray shadows
on their lawn
no children run or scream
it’s a quiet early fall just after eve


and inside my home
after a long day’s work
i find myself contented
having conquered not-napping
having finished my goals for the day
and I lay satisfied on my stomach and wait


what am i waiting for?


for sleep?
for tomorrow?
for you?


for you…
and here i am again
on the fence of how i feel
how i should feel
how i shouldn’t
what is and what isn’t
and of course the illusive: what could be…


i don’t know
but i’ll wait until i do
and hope by then
i’ve not turned too much shit around
uprooted too many
un-re-rootable roots


making a mess of things
should not be so easy
or enjoyable
i run scared the whole time
but can’t seem to look away
from the screen that holds you


dear god,
what am i doing with you?


2.
DELICATE

people are 
so, so delicate
or perhaps i am being presumptive


i feel my skin
wearing thinner, so much thinner than 
feels safe for it to be, like, translucent practically


and now my heart
is thumping so hard and sporadically
it’s hard to predict what might happen next
but i feel mostly certain at some point it’s going to break out of this skin
and when it does
that’s really going to hurt


i grab the neck of my shirt
pulling it up over and inside my mouth and then
suckle it like a babe at its mother’s tit
hoping for comfort, grasping to be soothed


it’s strange and queer to me
how seamlessly this progression has occurred
from minutes to hours to days to weeks and less and less
space in between 


it’s to the point where i now
crave this without trying to or meaning to and even
when i fight against it and swear myself off
i just keep coming back to you


like an addiction


and i’m scared for a number of reasons:
1. scared i’m using you for your kindness, for your audience, for your attention
2. scared i’m falling in a sort of love for you—and I have to say “sort of love” for you and
not just “falling in love” because “falling in love” is a laughably large, much, much too scary proposition
3. scared i’m losing strength in all the muscles i’ve built up that keep me being capable of being alone
4. scared because i feel i’m no longer in control of needing you and I don’t want to need anyone because what if something happens or they leave—scared because if i’m not in control I won’t be able to cut myself off
5. just scared for no good reason other than you now know so much of me and you’ve said it’s good and i don’t know if i’ll be able to say the same back to you—and not for any reasons you may think--but because there are so many things in you that are in me too and they make me sick to my stomach and it seems a foolishly bad idea to compound them 


i feel stale 
inside my brain and stubborn against decision making
but lukewarm to boiling within my heart and 
every loving smile transmitted to me over these wires sends me
tingling with that addictive high that i just cannot let go of
and i’m just waiting to find the right moment to tell you
how very scared I am of it all 
how few promises i can offer
how little experience i have at being looked at
in this way

3.
POSSIBILITIES

i had a dream about you last night
you were so pale and pink and tall
and your hair was floppy like a bunny rabbit
and you leaned down to kiss me like a crane
fishing for its lunch 
I had your warm saliva still on my lips
when I ran out the house to chase a butterfly
through the poppy fields
the wind blowing my hair, holding it up like magic
and soon my feet were swooping straight up and my
body with it elevated into the air
the blue sky engulfed me like flames
but the clouds kept me cool
as the sun took my hand and reassured
in a low, gully pull “Everything is working out just fine—LOOK!”
And I looked down and saw nothing but possibilities 
e v e r y w h e r e

4.
ESCAPE INTO ME

escape into me, mi amore
    forget all the stress
        the day pilled on
    leave your worries
come
    no, quickly run!
        i have so much fun
    turning you on
come
    it turns me on
        to see you lose it
    thinking delicious dirty things
faster, run
    and in the meantime watch
        i’ll be looking for your eyes
    with my hand between my thighs
run
    i’ll have on that little black silk robe
        freshly wetted from a bath
    i’ll be searching the horizon
for you
    so, come!

5.
ME & YOU

Hello
A smile
To be greeted
In style
It’s been a while
About an hour
Since we last
Spoke
The withdrawals
Tweaked my heart
Spiked holes in my
Mind, gave me
Shivers in time
I need to
See you
Again
And more and more
Just seeing is becoming
Not quite enough
Because there is now this idea
Floating about like a persistent hawk
Of laying on top of you, my head on your chest
Your arms tight around me
And yes, a kiss—several, in fact,
And more
Never stop looking at me like that
Never stop asking to take out the best part of me
And have it play you a tune
I’m scared beyond reason of all that could lie ahead
But one day at a time
Right now there is just me and you

6.
THIS STRANGE LOVE
Sometimes I look at you
And you seem like a stranger to me
And I can’t wrap my head around
Why you are saying such intimate things to me
Do I know you?
Have we entered into some kind of agreement together?
In short, I forget
Daily
And then moment by moment
Day by day
And hour by hour
You remind me
It happens almost like hypnotism
One second I’m staring at a stranger
Then suddenly you appear before me:
My best friend and lover
And I know you like I’ve never known another
What is this strange spell you’ve put over me?
You’ve spun yourself into my soul
Like you always belonged there
And just forgot to tell me
This was always going to be
As it is now
A romance to entertain the stars
A love for two humans who’ve been
No stranger to desire
And now clasp it feverishly within their palms