one more time for the
stubborn soul
inside you, woman

stop putting your
worth in
someone else's
hands

start acting like you
deserve the love you want
because you do

stop stooping to
the bargain bins
getting yo hands dirty
in trash

rise up, woman
claim your love from
the mountain air
and rise to greet it there

better that you rise
alone, only accepting what's 
worth your time, than toiling in
bitter, unmatured company

don't act like you
haven't learned this lesson
don't bang those wrists on the
walls downtown as you walk
looking for trouble to befall you

you know you are golden, babe
you know the love you are capable of giving
you know your worth and
what you bring to a relationship

stop this foolishness
you're no girl, and that ain't bad 
your beauty is a rich soil
rather than just surface color

own this
know this
and rise

and if you meet a fellow rising star 
climbing up 
in that mountain air
continue to rise together

and if you don't
it wont be because you
didn't deserve it or weren't worthy of it
it will simply be a failing on the part of the timing of the universe
to present you with a partner of your worth

this failing does not belong to you
it is out of your hands

your job is only
to rise

so, rise

You can practice kindness, like you practice sports. Why doesn’t anybody ever talk about that? We tend to think some people are just born kind with bleeding hearts, but I don’t think that’s ever the case. People choose kindness. People work at it, curating it like the most beautiful, complex exhibit on earth. We place so much focus on ourselves: Why am I not happy? Why am I not as successful as so-and-so? Why am I not in love? Why don’t I have the kind of friendships I see others enjoying? Why is it so hard for me to connect with people? When we ask these questions with the focus on ourselves as the sole subject of this depressing theory, the answer can only come back that there is something wrong with us, with who we are, or how we are built. I don’t think this is the case. I think the problem is that we are focusing on ourselves and what we are receiving, rather than what we are providing. Are you open? Are you able to be vulnerable with others? How do you make others feel? Are you putting out into the world the love and kindness you feel you are lacking?

I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s like sports—you start out of shape, stiff, and lethargic. You start overwhelmed and embarrassed by how clumsy you are and you worry that people will see you trying and laugh. You start small. You start by making a conscious effort to notice things in people that you like, and stopping negative thoughts about people by exploring the prejudices you may be projecting onto them and imagining what may have happened to make them the way they are, where they are in life and practice compassion and empathy instead. Stop yourself when you start to gossip and walk away or change the subject when others do it.

Next, you start saying some of the kind, positive things you notice about people. If someone looks great, if someone does something really well, if someone is trying really hard to do something—tell them. Tell them the kind things you would write on their facebook page after they die, while they are here. Say, “I love you” if you mean it. Say, “I see you out there trying and I’m so proud of you!” Keep showing up for people. When they hurt you, examine why it hurts inside yourself first, remind yourself of the good things they have done, examine what’s going on in their life, and then, if necessary, by all means, communicate it to them with the goal of resolving any pain on both sides (obviously if the person is verbally or physically abusive, or not able to see beyond their own needs or interests, this is null-in-void—let them go, make them go. Go!).

You can practice kindness, like you practice sports. The more you do it, the easier it gets. See a need, and fill it. Expect nothing back, just put in the work. It will be worth it, I promise. It will be good for you. It will open you in new ways, and open others—you’ll feel powerful and capable. You’ll wake up knowing you can make a difference here.

And, if you have a need, if you’re not okay, if you’re sick or lonely or scared or overwhelmed…don’t hide it. Try not to let yourself feel ashamed of it. These are human things. Say, “Come over.” Say, “Can we talk?” Say, “Can we sit in silence while I try to figure out how to say this?” Say, “I’m trying and I don’t know how much longer I can try?” Say, “Can you help me work through this?” It’s easier to say these things when you accept that sometimes you’re the one who is going to say them, and sometimes you’re the one who is going to hear them. It goes both ways. (Thank you, Mom, for teaching and articulating this to me♥)

It’s no secret I love theatre. One of my favorite traditions is the opening/closing night cards. We often write each other cards with kind, encouraging words…we say things we’ve enjoyed about getting know and work with each other, we applaud growth and wish each other a good run. We pat backs and say, “Got your back.” We give little bottles of alcohol or fireworks or trinkets related to the show. We hug each other, express our gratitude for being chosen to tell this story together, and when it’s over oftentimes we cry. It’s so beautiful. More of this in all aspects of life, please. (It is not a weakness to cry--not for men or women of any age--it's just a human feeling and it should be allowed out whenever it needs.)

On set of Seek Help I make a conscious effort to do this (hopefully mostly successfully), and on other great sets I’ve worked on--they aren’t all this way, by any means—but the good ones…we look out for each other. We joke around, and if the joke doesn’t land, but jab, we apologize. When there is a miscommunication (there are often many), there is an apology. We know we’re all trying our best and are juggling several things, but that the most important thing is that each person is OK, is heard, is supported, feels safe to try things, knows they are appreciated and valuable. The person, the friendship, the relationship must always come first, before the project, before the job, before money, before anything. Take care of each other first. Let the rest follow if it may, and if it does or doesn’t, it won’t matter anyway, because your life will be rich with love.

Accomplishments are empty without it. Money is empty without it. Life is bankrupt without it. Fame and adoration by strangers won’t come close to touching it. Cultivate and practice kindness in your life. Practice being open and brave and saying all the kind things you think. Show up in expected and unexpected ways for others. See a need and fill. Apologize. Be the kindness and love and encouragement you lack. Build a life rich and strong in friendships….the rest is filler.
​
I’m a work in progress on all this—I’m stumbling along, clumsy and awkward. I’m not in any way an expert at this, but I do want to start a conversation about it. I think it’s important.

O N E
I think maybe it's harder to fall in love the older you get
because you know yourself better--and you can articulate it better
so it's harder for others to project their fantasy of who they want you to be
on to you
*
T W O
Unrequited crushes are a slow torture
Burned up with a desire that can't be released
How do you not start punishing yourself for not being
someone they could love?
*
T H R E E
Fall hits me with a force
The cool air revives me
and awakens deep felt yearnings

I want love
and romance
sex and vulnerable
growth

I want a matured love
that seasons like wine
growing deeper, better
over years

Simultaneously, I find myself
attracted to this young bud--
not yet bloomed, not right
for me, and yet--attraction
lingers and spins into moss
that clogs the drains of my brain

It's fall
and I want to be in love
and I am trying to use the wisdom
of my previous 31 years to
talk myself out of this unrequited longing
but it is a skill I guess I have still not mastered
How to turn off attraction when it does not serve you...

If only it were as simple as just knowing it does not serve you

I long to wrap my arms around their waist
to lean on them and kiss them until our lips fall off
I want to see their eyes move as they says things to me
they've never told anyone else

I want to watch them grow and discover new truths
about them and their life and I want to make them soup
when they're sick and jump up and down with them when they're excited

I want to love freely--do you know what I mean?
Unabashedly / Unembarrassed
That's real grown up love
They're not ready for that yet

I'm barely just ready for that
But I crave it
I would be good at it
Pouring love into another person like
liquid gold

I want that

It's incredible the mental gymnastics
I can do when I'm looking for intelligible signs of love
from someone who does not love me

I can justify the whole world
for the sake of a love
that is not there

Although, I suppose, 
religious people do that all the time