CAPTIVE AUDIENCE + HOW WELL I HIDE MY FEELINGS

CAPTIVE AUDIENCE 
​
i'm a captive audience for you right now
held captive by my own love 
you should take advantage
if you are ever lonely
or craving touch
you should tell me
if you want attention
i have all of mine to give
so great are my feelings for you
every inch of your skin fascinates me
you couldn't bore me if you tried
i get stupid happy just to look at you
and happier still when you look back
i don't know how long this will last
but for now, i'm helpless against logic
i have love for you
i'd do anything for you
and it's gross, but it's what it is
so, if you want anything
anything 
anything
i'm here
just waiting for a sign from you
that your stage is ready
for my loyal
​audience

HOW WELL I HIDE MY FEELINGS

i send the text
and think, with pride,
"how well am i hiding these feelings?!"

i hide them so well sometimes
i forget they even exist
"i'm over it, i guess!"

then, in person,
the slightest kindest offered me
so slight it could barely be called "kind"

and

suddenly, i am
letting spill my atrocious,
dirty malady

the secret of my love
the way i see their every move
and inspect them all for signs

the way those signs
have almost never pointed
towards me

the way this fact
has not deterred me
and

the hauntingly embarrassing
admission of my blush - my blood rush -
upon their nearing

how well do i hide my feelings?
i wonder if they've noticed how i've tucked
my heart up under my lungs

how i suffocate each breath
before it lets out the sound
of my heartsong

do you see this?
are you oblivious?
how well i hide my feelings...

is it obvious?
is this courteous? 
or cowardly?

logic and sanity tell me 
i love in vain here--
so i stifle it

and wonder
if i hide my feelings well enough
will they die here?

or resurface to haunt me
for years 
still?