part of turning 30 this year is
i just don't want to
talk about
think about
hear about
fat and women's bodies
and my own body
from outside or
inside my mind
i don't want to be
so self-conscious
about looking fat
in a photo that
i can't see that
in the picture
i'm exuding some
deeper,
actual,
sincere,
beautiful human emotion
i don't want to feel like
working out and eating healthy
are burdens placed upon me
requirements to be met
for love and notoriety
i want to eat good food
and feel good
work my body in ways
that express what needs expressing
feel strong and capable
and energetic
i don't want to let
my self-worth fluctuate
because of automatic calculations
that compare any image i see of myself
against every other image society
holds up of what a successful, liked,
loved, healthy, sexy woman should be
i've come a long way from my adolescence
and, to be honest, having
public figures who embrace their figures
and more importantly their womanhood
in all its different forms and variations
has been a huge contributor to this personal growth
i look at Lena Dunham and see the life she's created,
her art, her body, which she shares without shame
inside of her art, and more than anything,
i think it was the lack of shame she exhibited
while being naked inside of a square where
women are typically not allowed to look
anything less than one, narrow version of
"perfect" that made all the difference
i am not that perfect
i have tried to be
and failed
not because of how i looked
but because of how i looked at myself
currently i wish i looked better
but more importantly, i like who i am
i see more worth in who i am and
what i can give and create than in
what i look like
and that's a nice feeling
my days are much more enjoyable
and fulfilling
but it's still a fight some days
to remind myself
i think, as women, one of the
best ways we can
help each other overcome decades
of conditioning
is by wearing our bodies b o l d y
and unapologetically
by shamelessly holding our self worth
in our own hands and acknowledging
all the different things that make us
feel sexy, full, empowered, and strong
i get so sad when i take a photograph of
a woman and i see her light and l o v e and
happiness in it, the essence of who they are,
and then, when i show it to them, they only see their f l a w s
the wrinkles, the aging, the blemish, the fat
and i get even sadder knowing that
the subconscious panic at the root of this
tree of self-critical hate
is the very real fear that no one would
be able to see them like that, with those flaws
and be able to love them
that makes me not just sad but angry
at a world that has created this life-altering fear
in very young girls
to sell products
so, let me just say this
to both myself and you
because we all know it, but we also forget it
from time to time
humans are most beautiful
when they shine straight through their skin
from the heart
and anyone who can't see that
needs a few more trips around the sun
i just don't want to
talk about
think about
hear about
fat and women's bodies
and my own body
from outside or
inside my mind
i don't want to be
so self-conscious
about looking fat
in a photo that
i can't see that
in the picture
i'm exuding some
deeper,
actual,
sincere,
beautiful human emotion
i don't want to feel like
working out and eating healthy
are burdens placed upon me
requirements to be met
for love and notoriety
i want to eat good food
and feel good
work my body in ways
that express what needs expressing
feel strong and capable
and energetic
i don't want to let
my self-worth fluctuate
because of automatic calculations
that compare any image i see of myself
against every other image society
holds up of what a successful, liked,
loved, healthy, sexy woman should be
i've come a long way from my adolescence
and, to be honest, having
public figures who embrace their figures
and more importantly their womanhood
in all its different forms and variations
has been a huge contributor to this personal growth
i look at Lena Dunham and see the life she's created,
her art, her body, which she shares without shame
inside of her art, and more than anything,
i think it was the lack of shame she exhibited
while being naked inside of a square where
women are typically not allowed to look
anything less than one, narrow version of
"perfect" that made all the difference
i am not that perfect
i have tried to be
and failed
not because of how i looked
but because of how i looked at myself
currently i wish i looked better
but more importantly, i like who i am
i see more worth in who i am and
what i can give and create than in
what i look like
and that's a nice feeling
my days are much more enjoyable
and fulfilling
but it's still a fight some days
to remind myself
i think, as women, one of the
best ways we can
help each other overcome decades
of conditioning
is by wearing our bodies b o l d y
and unapologetically
by shamelessly holding our self worth
in our own hands and acknowledging
all the different things that make us
feel sexy, full, empowered, and strong
i get so sad when i take a photograph of
a woman and i see her light and l o v e and
happiness in it, the essence of who they are,
and then, when i show it to them, they only see their f l a w s
the wrinkles, the aging, the blemish, the fat
and i get even sadder knowing that
the subconscious panic at the root of this
tree of self-critical hate
is the very real fear that no one would
be able to see them like that, with those flaws
and be able to love them
that makes me not just sad but angry
at a world that has created this life-altering fear
in very young girls
to sell products
so, let me just say this
to both myself and you
because we all know it, but we also forget it
from time to time
humans are most beautiful
when they shine straight through their skin
from the heart
and anyone who can't see that
needs a few more trips around the sun
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