I avoid confrontation at nearly all costs
One tactic I, personally, like to use is to
1.) Take 1 person who has made me feel bad feelings
2.) Mix it in a bowl with their point of view and my own insecurities
until what they did to make me feel bad is actually my fault
3.) Bake at 450 degrees for 20 minutes
4.) Swallow full responsibility for their actions and my feelings
5.) Sprinkle on a reminder of all their good qualities
6.) Move on and try to never think of it again
When I find that I must say something to someone
I prefer to do so in writing so that I can write, breathe, erase
and try another phrasing out of their earshot so as not to escalate
either of our emotions, if possible, and work in numerous reminders
of validation betwixt words of standing up for my own perspective
I then feel nauseous and sick with anxiety from the moment I hit "send"
until they respond
In some small percentage of conversations, I have been able to say something
in the moment
I have confronted my fear of confrontation HEAD ON
My feelings feebly struggling to stand on their feet in direct opposition to another's
feelings whom I also care about but who has hurt me
And I feel sick and shaky the whole time--have to fight the urge to just lay on my back
like a dog and offer my belly and
apologize for having an opposing point of view or for
having any feelings at all
I think my ability to empathize with others and consider viewpoints other than my own
is a strength--but I also recognize that I can take it too far and abandon myself for the other team
or shut down all together, recoil into my shell and say, "People are far too hard to interact with!
No more people! Only dogs!"
Often I find myself asking: Well, what's the worst that can happen?
That usually seems like a logical question to ask fear, but in this case
the worst that can happen is that the person never speaks to you again,
disowns you, and is your father. Ope, there it is.
Root f e a r
Loss o n e
The start of my shrinking indifference to self
was actually the last moment I most proudly stood up
for myself
It's been over a decade since then and in the echo of his absence
has been space that's been occupied by various other people
with opposing views and when the friction of new conflict rubs
at a high enough frequency, the echo chamber howls in pain
as I clutch at my feelings telling them to quiet down so
we don't loose another one
One tactic I, personally, like to use is to
1.) Take 1 person who has made me feel bad feelings
2.) Mix it in a bowl with their point of view and my own insecurities
until what they did to make me feel bad is actually my fault
3.) Bake at 450 degrees for 20 minutes
4.) Swallow full responsibility for their actions and my feelings
5.) Sprinkle on a reminder of all their good qualities
6.) Move on and try to never think of it again
When I find that I must say something to someone
I prefer to do so in writing so that I can write, breathe, erase
and try another phrasing out of their earshot so as not to escalate
either of our emotions, if possible, and work in numerous reminders
of validation betwixt words of standing up for my own perspective
I then feel nauseous and sick with anxiety from the moment I hit "send"
until they respond
In some small percentage of conversations, I have been able to say something
in the moment
I have confronted my fear of confrontation HEAD ON
My feelings feebly struggling to stand on their feet in direct opposition to another's
feelings whom I also care about but who has hurt me
And I feel sick and shaky the whole time--have to fight the urge to just lay on my back
like a dog and offer my belly and
apologize for having an opposing point of view or for
having any feelings at all
I think my ability to empathize with others and consider viewpoints other than my own
is a strength--but I also recognize that I can take it too far and abandon myself for the other team
or shut down all together, recoil into my shell and say, "People are far too hard to interact with!
No more people! Only dogs!"
Often I find myself asking: Well, what's the worst that can happen?
That usually seems like a logical question to ask fear, but in this case
the worst that can happen is that the person never speaks to you again,
disowns you, and is your father. Ope, there it is.
Root f e a r
Loss o n e
The start of my shrinking indifference to self
was actually the last moment I most proudly stood up
for myself
It's been over a decade since then and in the echo of his absence
has been space that's been occupied by various other people
with opposing views and when the friction of new conflict rubs
at a high enough frequency, the echo chamber howls in pain
as I clutch at my feelings telling them to quiet down so
we don't loose another one
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