for some reason that got me right in the heart muscles so I crawled up in her bed real careful not to unplug anything from her and I held her the best that I could but she was so much bigger than me so it was hard to hold too much of her but I held as much of her as I could and I said YEAH I LIKE THAT PART A LOT TOO and then I thought maybe she was crying because she had some water coming down her face a bit and I thought OH HERE WE GO but it was just the ceiling leaking which is gross and unsanitary but even nursing homes get faulty roofs from time to time so I pulled off my tutu and put it on her head to keep her from getting wet too much which was okay because I of course had a leotard on under it so my hoo haa wasn’t showing or anything and grandma lilian looked really sort of funny with that tutu on her head like she was the queen of something so I started laughing and grandma lilian said WHATS SO FUNNY HUH and I could barely get the words out YOU YOU YOU YOU and she pulled the tutu off her head and the ceiling kept leaking on her which was really bothering me a whole lot but I swear she must not have even felt it she just sat there getting wet and then she looked at me again real serious so I held my breath again and then she said DO YOU BELIEVE IN DEATH and I went WAIT WHAT HUH and she said DO YOU BELIEVE IN DEATH and I said DON’T I HAVE TO and she said I DON’T THINK SO and so I said THEN NO and she said ME NEITHER I THINK IT’S A CROCK OF SHIT and I gasped because you aren’t supposed to say those kinds of dirty words but I forgave her because she was so old she probably just forgot or thought she was saying another word like soup or something and I said SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO THEN IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DIE and she said MAYBE I’LL DRIVE THE AMBULANCES AGAIN THAT’D BE NICE and I said YES IT PROBABLY WOULD and then the nurse came in and said my dance teacher was looking for me because we had to go back to the studio now and I said OKAY BYE GRAMMA and she said BYE NANCY which wasn’t my name and I said HAVE FUN DRIVING THE AMBULANCES and she said I WILL and the nurse took my hand to pull me out the door I hated that adults where always pulling you out of somewhere and then into somewhere else but then I remembered my tutu so I ran back to grandma lilian and grabbed it which is when I saw something tiny and red on the floor under her bed so I crouched down and grabbed it and it was a tiny toy ambulance and I couldn’t believe it and the nurse said YOU’D BETTER HURRY so I quickly went over real close to grandma lilian and I put it in her hand and I kissed her on the cheek as she stared at it and then smiled so big I could see all the teeth she’d lost in her old age and then I ran back to the nurse and said YOU REALLY SHOULD FIX THAT ROOF ITS BEEN RAINING ON GRAMMA ALL AFTERNOON.
grandma lilian was laying in her hospital bed sucking up the oxygen that was attached to her head when I walked in in my little pink tutu all of four years old blond wispy hair up in a sloppy bun my mom never was any good at doing hair but anyway I was oh for one in the dance competition that had been held in the lobby so I had some free time to wander down the hall to see grandma lilian she seemed so old ancient even like those prehistoric beasts I’d seen on the history channel that my dad always had on but anyway she was sucking up the oxygen when I walked in and instead of just breathing out normally she would make a little vroom vroom sound and move her hand back and forth across her lap as if she were playing with a toy car like my stupid cousin arnie and so I went up real close to her because you had to get real close and real loud so she could hear you and I said HEY GRAMMA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HUH and she didn’t stop or nothing and she just said IM DRIVING THE AMBULANCES LIKE THE OLD TIMES and I didn’t know what that meant but my mother told me that grandma lilian made up stories that weren’t really lies because people that old didn’t tell lies they just got confused and so I said THAT’S COOL GRAMMA and then she stopped vroom vrooming and looked straight at me so serious I thought she might die in the next minute so I clutched my tutu and held my breath in case I needed to scream but she looked away and started vroom vrooming again so I let my breath out and said HEY GRAMMA WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT BEING A LITTLE GIRL and she said DRIVING THE AMBULANCES and I said NO BEFORE THAT and she said BEING HELD
for some reason that got me right in the heart muscles so I crawled up in her bed real careful not to unplug anything from her and I held her the best that I could but she was so much bigger than me so it was hard to hold too much of her but I held as much of her as I could and I said YEAH I LIKE THAT PART A LOT TOO and then I thought maybe she was crying because she had some water coming down her face a bit and I thought OH HERE WE GO but it was just the ceiling leaking which is gross and unsanitary but even nursing homes get faulty roofs from time to time so I pulled off my tutu and put it on her head to keep her from getting wet too much which was okay because I of course had a leotard on under it so my hoo haa wasn’t showing or anything and grandma lilian looked really sort of funny with that tutu on her head like she was the queen of something so I started laughing and grandma lilian said WHATS SO FUNNY HUH and I could barely get the words out YOU YOU YOU YOU and she pulled the tutu off her head and the ceiling kept leaking on her which was really bothering me a whole lot but I swear she must not have even felt it she just sat there getting wet and then she looked at me again real serious so I held my breath again and then she said DO YOU BELIEVE IN DEATH and I went WAIT WHAT HUH and she said DO YOU BELIEVE IN DEATH and I said DON’T I HAVE TO and she said I DON’T THINK SO and so I said THEN NO and she said ME NEITHER I THINK IT’S A CROCK OF SHIT and I gasped because you aren’t supposed to say those kinds of dirty words but I forgave her because she was so old she probably just forgot or thought she was saying another word like soup or something and I said SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO THEN IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DIE and she said MAYBE I’LL DRIVE THE AMBULANCES AGAIN THAT’D BE NICE and I said YES IT PROBABLY WOULD and then the nurse came in and said my dance teacher was looking for me because we had to go back to the studio now and I said OKAY BYE GRAMMA and she said BYE NANCY which wasn’t my name and I said HAVE FUN DRIVING THE AMBULANCES and she said I WILL and the nurse took my hand to pull me out the door I hated that adults where always pulling you out of somewhere and then into somewhere else but then I remembered my tutu so I ran back to grandma lilian and grabbed it which is when I saw something tiny and red on the floor under her bed so I crouched down and grabbed it and it was a tiny toy ambulance and I couldn’t believe it and the nurse said YOU’D BETTER HURRY so I quickly went over real close to grandma lilian and I put it in her hand and I kissed her on the cheek as she stared at it and then smiled so big I could see all the teeth she’d lost in her old age and then I ran back to the nurse and said YOU REALLY SHOULD FIX THAT ROOF ITS BEEN RAINING ON GRAMMA ALL AFTERNOON.
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AboutHey! I'm Andie Bottrell, a multidisciplinary creative living in Springfield, MO. I share stories (autobiographical and fictional), poems, and other creative or personal musings here. Archives
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