h e a r t b r e a k

i don’t feel well
the physical symptoms
are surprisingly
real
my brain is 
of course
on fire with thought
my heart hurts
literally
isn’t that weird?
when our metaphorical heart
is breaking
our organ heart
feels it
i guess it’s like you said
that’s where they got the idea
it doesn’t stop there though
not only does my heart hurt
and race 
(why is it beating so fast?
I can hardly catch my breath)
but my hands and arms
feel sort of 
weak and numb
and my legs feel like 
they might give out
i don’t want to do anything
but i don’t want to not do anything
because then i’ll just feel everything
too much
so i do things
i work out
i work
i try to make myself presentable
i drive some place
i cry 
and then i stop
and then in a little while
i cry some more
and later, again, i stop
i drink coffee
(this doesn’t help my racing heart)
i don’t eat much
i feel too full in every part of my body
to add anything to it
it’s just bursting with contents it seems
everwhere
except 
somewhere
that isn’t anywhere, really
there i am empty
and utterly so
at a loss
there is just 
empty panicked open space
insatiably hungry and
screaming
and sometimes it screams so loudly
that the sound travels all the way
from the invisible ether
to my body
up my throat 
and out my mouth
culminating in a
 panged verb-less moan
i don’t feel well
…
my heart is 
breaking