i don't want to love you

​i don't want to love you
i don't want to like you
i don't want to get used to you
i don't want to get comfortable
or excited to see you
i don't want to pine for you
--to long for you when i'm not near you
i don't want you

because

i already do
and i know that you're one
step out the door of this town
and every time i'm reminded of that
it's like an electric shock to my heart
my stomach drops
and i feel the urge to
run away

also: it's complex because
i want the best for you
i want you to go--
think it will be good for you

but i don't know where that leaves us
besides lonely, longing, miserable, crying

and i don't want to go through that again
so i think i'll just

convince myself that
i don't care
don't love
don't like
don't want

i'll steal away more
time for myself
when all i want to do
is be with you

i'll punish myself 
with solitude now
to keep from getting 
too close to you

...

oh, who am i kidding
i've never been one for
self-control
i'll see you as much and 
as often as i can

i'll find new ways
to love you
to like you
to show you

i'll fall deeper
i'll get more excited
more comfortable
i'll feel it

and when you go
i'll cry
but i wont die
i'll limp
but i wont quit
and i'll create

like i always do

and que sera sera

i'll love you
anyway