s p i r i t s c r e a m i n g

my spirit is 
screaming
and will not be
quieted 
i cannot stop
slipping into
sleep
exhausted
from the
constant
wailing
from the holes
in my body
the utter absence
in the space 
around me
that could be
cured in many ways
yet 
none of which
i seem to make
any effort
to 
do
so i sit here
on the same
left space
on my couch
where the cushions
are disintegrating
and i stare at all the things
i have created in this 
interim of
living
while the wailing war
rages on
and i wish
i could wish myself
up over this hump
this terrible sinking feeling
in the pit of my stomach
that everything is not alright
my hands shake
in discomfort
and my brow wrestles itself
into early aging
and my chin quivers
my jaw tightens
and my body retreats
from all the sensations 
that were recently re-awakened
back into its mannequin
untouched state
just stale
staying alive
but not
living