Andie Bottrell
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so you say of me, that poor loveless one

6/27/2018

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upon the near-end of my life
do not look at me with sympathy 
in your eyes, nor surprise
at my life of soul-mate-less love

for the whole of my existence 
i have carried upon my back
the weight of your expectations
for my discovery of love as a loss

i have mourned every step
of my days for a love i expected to come
that did not come my way
i have shamed myself for being inadequate

i have cried, where i might have otherwise found 
reason to praise; my loneliness was not defined by me, but for me
and never gave me the chance to discover all the good
that being alone has done for me

where you coupled faught and spat
hit and manipulated, contorting yourselves 
into public and private personas--sure, i do
not deny some loves are healthful and strong, but
you must confess not all, or even most, last so
long as my loneliness has--and in my loneliness,
look past what you conceit of as deficits, to find
with me all the many benefits

i am free to explore every thought and interest
without courteous split; my time is my own
i sleep uninterrupted, and flirt when flirting hits
my friendships retain unlimited depths

my support is multi-sourced and not just
in one house; i dine with friends under candlelight
and where i crave, I ask; and where i spare it, i give
my love is spread communally

i live in a vulnerable state that has made me strong
there have been times of illness where i've sung a different song
but i survived, and in that survival tamed a perspective
that lends me able and willing to be paged
in others crisis' 

besides, one love, nary how deep
does not keep you safe
it is always in community that we find our
most powerful strength

the married, the coupled,
these are not the first nor final aim
to attain; i am not missing a limb of life
by not losing my name

i am not half of a whole
i am whole, autonomously so
and i have lived and i have loved
in no more or less grand a way than 
any other
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    Hey! I'm Andie Bottrell, a multidisciplinary creative living in Springfield, MO. I share stories (autobiographical and fictional), poems, and other creative or personal musings here. 

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