the new regime in me

soft and greasy
trying not to be too needy
try to stay calm
say truths
not escalate emotional fears
into reality

i am changing
i hardly recognize myself
i distract myself because
the growing pains make me
dizzy with existential grief

who i am and what i want
and how i express myself
and how and where i want to be seen
and what is important to me
it's evolving

i can't operate on automatic anymore
all previously presumed YES's
must be re-evaluated
by the new regime
it's still me, yes / but different

this could be a grand evolution
a great re-invention
shrink not in fear, dear self
grow with abandonment from your past selves
look ahead, squint and scream
call for your future and 
run to it, arms open

bigger in some ways
smaller in others
and most of all
warm in heart
full in purpose
loud in laughter
determined, tenacious and forgiving
in the path

build it, dear
trust the new you
unfolding
let go of the old you
and all her withholdings