I’ve come to dread the night
those long infinite hours
that I fail to fill with sleep
awake and sitting, laying
eyes opened, mind racing,
heart beating way too steadily
to allow for resting
it is peaceful, yes
but what angers me
is my improper use of the time
I think, “this is the perfect
moment to spend on sleep-
no better place for it in my day”
and yet my body stays wide awake
a stubborn, sting-eyed mystery
defiant of traditional scheduling
I try to turn on some soothing music
but just find myself drawn into the
emotions of the piece- a new experience
freshly carries my wakeful self
to places fit for dreamscapes
without the sleep
and then back to reality
with the last chord
now more than ever
fully charged
filled to emotional capacity
with needs and desires
loss and lust
I lay in bed and shut it all off
decide to ponder
hope that leads to the
inevitable saunter through
the somber greys of deep conscious
diving
------------------------------
KNOW ME
I live for someone to know me
to know who I am
and how I think
and how I feel
and to, most of all, find it special
I don’t mean special out of all
our species
I just mean special to them
to have who I am and
what I think and
what I feel be special
and to mean something
to them
I am a ferocious reader
an avid dog-ear-er
between the line scribbler
and I hope someday
when I’m gone
someone picks up one of
my favorite books
and flips to a dogged ear
and reads a passage
and reads my underlines
and my notes
and knows me better
I write things down
because I want them to be read
my words are evidence to my life
and your reading them is the
acknowledgment
I am here
soon I will be gone
please inspect my life
like a detective
please care enough to search
through each piece of paper
read each word and account
and know me as fully as I’ve
let myself be known
I’d give it all away to everyone
if they just asked-
but it is rare to meet the person
truly deserving, truly meant to
know you and appreciate your
own rare breed of humanity
the highest honor
to know someone fully