1
Sometimes I think I was meant
to be a fish, but
at the last minute
some wires got crossed
and I came out human
I dry out easily and quickly
Harshly--my body elicits a storm
of suffocating dryness
My swallows are filled with sand
My eyes audibly crack when I wake
I take baths like a runner struggling for air
Drown my eyes in drops
Drink water as if it were my job
but still--I run out
2
It has been an unknowable
amount of time now
that I have been in a period of
prolonged, abnormally low
rain fall
a drought
of my spirit feeling full
I am good at disassociating
from myself and reality
I can do it for many lengths of time
But then wake to find
I do not recognize myself
any more
I reset to an old image
of myself
and then am shocked
when I see it no longer
lines up
I have been low
and dry for so long
I need to do something
now
Even artificial rain
will do
It will have to
3
The rainfall:
Here are some drops...
Fact:
I have consistently,
throughout my life,
fought for the reality
of my most sacred dreams
and that takes a lot of courage, vision,
follow-through and dedication.
Fact:
I have survived the loss and rejection
of a parent, and family unit,
and while imperfect, I have constantly
worked to find my way to forgiveness and
love and growth through this loss.
Fact:
I have been open to being wrong
in my world view, to learning new information
and let it change me. This takes
humility.
Fact:
I have many times over
worked to build up fellow humans
joy, self-esteem and well-being
by freely giving time, talent, and words
for their benefit.
Fact:
As much as I fail and fall into
depression and drought,
I always keep trying to overcome,
to stimulate my own motivation and
take care of myself.
Fact:
I'm smarter than I give myself credit for
and I have continued to pursue new
knowledge as I've grown, becoming
an enthusiastic autodidact, despite my
lack of traditional education or degrees.
Fact:
I am resourceful and inventive
with creativity in spades. This is a
gift that often embarrasses me,
and is hard for me to claim with pride or to
acknowledge its worth...nevertheless, I keep
putting it out there. I keep trying to claim
the acceptance of these gifts as gifts in the world,
even as it makes me deeply uncomfortable.
Fact:
I am capable of being
very funny. I have made an audience
of hundreds laugh.
Fact:
I am a very good
listener.
Fact:
I always try to give
everyone the benefit of the doubt,
to see other people's point of view,
I forgive easily and quickly--something
that I have had to work at doing.
Fact:
I have turned
other humans "on."
I have elicited a romantic
response in other humans.
Fact:
I am worthy of love,
respect, affection, honesty,
good communication,
and care.
Fact:
The absence of my ability
to believe that any of these
things are true, does not render
them false. And the acceptance that
all these things are true, does not
negate all negative impairments of
my humanity.
We are all full of pros and cons.
The best you can aim for is the acknowledgement
of both, and consistently work towards not just self-betterment,
but the betterment of skills that add to
the betterment of this world.
Fact:
This year I have dedicated myself
to learning what it means to be an
advocate, to take responsibility for
a problem I did not create, that does not
impact my life, but that afflicts my community
and that I have the capacity to help improve.
Sometimes I think I was meant
to be a fish, but
at the last minute
some wires got crossed
and I came out human
I dry out easily and quickly
Harshly--my body elicits a storm
of suffocating dryness
My swallows are filled with sand
My eyes audibly crack when I wake
I take baths like a runner struggling for air
Drown my eyes in drops
Drink water as if it were my job
but still--I run out
2
It has been an unknowable
amount of time now
that I have been in a period of
prolonged, abnormally low
rain fall
a drought
of my spirit feeling full
I am good at disassociating
from myself and reality
I can do it for many lengths of time
But then wake to find
I do not recognize myself
any more
I reset to an old image
of myself
and then am shocked
when I see it no longer
lines up
I have been low
and dry for so long
I need to do something
now
Even artificial rain
will do
It will have to
3
The rainfall:
Here are some drops...
Fact:
I have consistently,
throughout my life,
fought for the reality
of my most sacred dreams
and that takes a lot of courage, vision,
follow-through and dedication.
Fact:
I have survived the loss and rejection
of a parent, and family unit,
and while imperfect, I have constantly
worked to find my way to forgiveness and
love and growth through this loss.
Fact:
I have been open to being wrong
in my world view, to learning new information
and let it change me. This takes
humility.
Fact:
I have many times over
worked to build up fellow humans
joy, self-esteem and well-being
by freely giving time, talent, and words
for their benefit.
Fact:
As much as I fail and fall into
depression and drought,
I always keep trying to overcome,
to stimulate my own motivation and
take care of myself.
Fact:
I'm smarter than I give myself credit for
and I have continued to pursue new
knowledge as I've grown, becoming
an enthusiastic autodidact, despite my
lack of traditional education or degrees.
Fact:
I am resourceful and inventive
with creativity in spades. This is a
gift that often embarrasses me,
and is hard for me to claim with pride or to
acknowledge its worth...nevertheless, I keep
putting it out there. I keep trying to claim
the acceptance of these gifts as gifts in the world,
even as it makes me deeply uncomfortable.
Fact:
I am capable of being
very funny. I have made an audience
of hundreds laugh.
Fact:
I am a very good
listener.
Fact:
I always try to give
everyone the benefit of the doubt,
to see other people's point of view,
I forgive easily and quickly--something
that I have had to work at doing.
Fact:
I have turned
other humans "on."
I have elicited a romantic
response in other humans.
Fact:
I am worthy of love,
respect, affection, honesty,
good communication,
and care.
Fact:
The absence of my ability
to believe that any of these
things are true, does not render
them false. And the acceptance that
all these things are true, does not
negate all negative impairments of
my humanity.
We are all full of pros and cons.
The best you can aim for is the acknowledgement
of both, and consistently work towards not just self-betterment,
but the betterment of skills that add to
the betterment of this world.
Fact:
This year I have dedicated myself
to learning what it means to be an
advocate, to take responsibility for
a problem I did not create, that does not
impact my life, but that afflicts my community
and that I have the capacity to help improve.
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