what sweet buds may i taste?

What is love if not all encompassing?
Is love true--is it real--if it does not
take up all of the space in your brain?
Am I loving in a healthier way?
Is that a real thing?
To love and still retain yourself wholly?
I didn't consider it to be possible--
and yet--
but still--it's early now, with her.
Time may sway away my conscious control
as I fall deeper.
Or, have I built up enough fail-safes and built them
strongly enough now that I cannot fall
in love the way I used to,
so whole-heartedly and absent-mindedly.
Also, perhaps it is also that this love,
like my last,
did not start with unrequited longing
(well, okay, it did, but so briefly and then
with the realization it was not unrequited at all
but rather quite returned)
and so the fantasy became reality without
much effort.
I have doubts, I have fears.
The only relationships (so, so few) that I have had
have come with those.
Truth be told, even the unrequited ones had them
but because they were in fantasy, it was easier to not focus on them
and so, it seems, unlike movies (go figure)
relationships are such work and not at all
purely good feelings and swelling music
and spinning kisses.
Well, we carrying on,
one foot in front of the next,
see what each day brings.
Better when you can do this all without 
losing your sense of whole self.
Let's see how this one fares,
this relationship.
How long will this bloom?
How tender of care and
​how much presence of self
can I offer it?
What sweet buds may I taste in it?